Whackin' it

Here's a touchy subject. If I'm not careful things could get a bit sticky. I'd better not beat about the bush any longer - this week we have to discuss pounding one's parson. Now, I'll keep this short, as I'm writing this before the week's lecture. First off, lets all own up to it. No need to make a song and dance about it, but, speaking as a man who knows other men, any man who says he doesn't manhandle his man handle is a damn dirty liar. Now, we all know we do it, so why is there such a stigma attatched to it for men? It's perfectly acceptable for a woman to go into her local Ann Summers or whatever and buy herself a plastic cock the size of a fire extinguisher in her lunch break, but catch a bloke with a porn mag under his mattress and I guarantee you'll never let him make you a sandwich again. (By the way guys, I know you want it as close to your bed as possible, but don't be deluded into thinking that it's a well guarded secret.)

So what's this all about? Double standards if you ask me. Yes, girls, we know you do it, but its nothing to be proud of. Nothing wrong with having a fiddle, but dont fool yourself into thinking that when a girl does it its really any different from when a bloke does it. I suppose the mental image of a sweaty man (and I quote Chris Morris) 'vigourously ransacking his dignity' isn't too appealing to everyone, but the idea of an old sweaty woman doing herself with a cucumber doesnt exactly do it for me either. If us blokes have to suffer the red-faced embarassment, then you lot bloody well should too.